Earlier this week, we posted a blog about whether or not you should tell your child that he was conceived via egg donation or surrogacy. Today, we’d like to go a step further and help you know how to talk to your children about where they come from.
Here are a few steps you should make this conversation easier and more comfortable:
Be comfortable with your decision: Many couples have a really hard time accepting the fact that they won’t be able to carry a child full-term or pass on their genetics. Before you can talk to your child and help him be ok with his situation, you have to ok with your own situation. If you feel ashamed of how your child was conceived, your child will likely sense that feeling and start to feel ashamed and embarrassed of who he is.
Talk to your child: The earlier you begin telling your child about how he was conceived, the better. He probably won’t even begin to understand what you’re telling him until he’s at least three years old, but that will give you time to practice what you want to say. According to experts, the best time to tell your child is before the age of five. The more you talk about it, the more normal it will become for you and your child.
“Speaking about third-party reproduction casually, early and often, normalizes it. It makes the information simply a part of the family story,” Dr. Madeline Licker Feingold, a psychotherapist and reproductive councilor said.
Embrace curiosity: As your child learns about his donor origins, he’ll likely be curious about the donor or surrogate who helped in his conception. He may want to know what they looked like or who they are. Curiosity will continue throughout the years and your child will be looking to you to help them make sense of it all. Do your best to answer the questions you know the answer to and let your child know if you truly don’t know the answer to his questions.
At EDSI, we believe that everyone should enjoy the blessings of parenthood. If you have any questions concerning surrogacy or egg donation, please contact us.