Surrogacy is a remarkable path to parenthood, but it’s not always the simplest one to navigate. Over the past 2 decades working in this field, I’ve seen surrogacy evolve from a lesser-known option to a mainstream route for building families. Whether you are an intended parent or someone considering becoming a surrogate, this guide will walk you through everything you need to know about surrogacy, from the initial steps to the emotional, legal, and financial aspects of the journey.
What is Surrogacy?
Surrogacy is an arrangement where a woman (the surrogate) carries and gives birth to a child on behalf of someone else, often called the intended parents. Surrogacy provides a solution for individuals or couples who cannot carry a pregnancy to term for various medical, personal, or biological reasons.
Gestational vs. Traditional Surrogacy
Surrogacy comes in two main forms: gestational surrogacy and traditional surrogacy.
• Gestational Surrogacy: The most common type today. In gestational surrogacy, the surrogate has no genetic link to the child. The embryo, created using the egg and sperm of the intended parents or donors, is implanted in the surrogate through in vitro fertilization (IVF).
• Traditional Surrogacy: In traditional surrogacy, the surrogate’s own egg is fertilized, meaning she is genetically related to the child. This method is less common and comes with additional legal complexities since the surrogate is both the genetic and gestational mother.
Surrogacy is often chosen by:
• Couples struggling with infertility
• Women with medical conditions that prevent safe pregnancy
• Same-sex couples, especially male couples
• Single individuals who want to become parents
One of the most touching moments in my career was helping a same-sex couple fulfill their dream of becoming parents through gestational surrogacy. They had tried adoption but faced challenges, and surrogacy allowed them to welcome twins into their family. Moments like these are a reminder of surrogacy’s life-changing impact.
The Surrogacy Process Step-by-Step
Step 1: Deciding if Surrogacy is Right for You
The first and most important step in this journey is determining whether surrogacy is the right path. This decision involves careful consideration of your medical, financial, and emotional readiness. For intended parents, it’s essential to understand that you won’t be the one carrying the child. For surrogates, the decision requires a deep commitment, as the process is physically and emotionally demanding.
Step 2: Choosing a Surrogacy Agency
While it’s possible to pursue independent surrogacy, working with our surrogacy agency can make the process smoother. Agencies help match surrogates with intended parents, manage legal and medical aspects, and provide ongoing support to both parties.
When choosing an agency, ask about their experience, success rates, and how they support their surrogates and intended parents. Working with an experienced agency is crucial. In my 25 years, I’ve seen how a supportive, reputable agency can turn a stressful journey into a seamless experience.
Step 3: Medical Screening and IVF
Once matched, the surrogate undergoes extensive medical screening to ensure she’s healthy enough to carry a pregnancy. This includes blood tests, ultrasounds, and psychological evaluations. The intended parents typically work with a fertility clinic to create embryos through IVF, which are then transferred to the surrogate’s uterus.
Step 4: Legal Contracts
Every surrogacy journey involves legal contracts to protect both the surrogate and the intended parents. These contracts outline the surrogate’s compensation, the medical care she’ll receive, and the legal steps necessary to establish the intended parents’ rights to the child after birth. Legal representation is crucial for both parties to ensure all bases are covered and no legal issues arise down the line.
Step 5: Pregnancy and Monitoring
Once the surrogate is pregnant, she’ll receive regular prenatal care, just like any other pregnancy. The intended parents are often deeply involved during this stage, attending doctor’s appointments and planning for the birth. The relationship between the surrogate and the intended parents can vary, but most develop a close bond throughout the pregnancy.
Step 6: Birth and Post-Birth Arrangements
The birth is a highly anticipated moment for everyone involved. Many surrogacy arrangements include a detailed birth plan, ensuring the intended parents can be present during the delivery and take immediate custody of the baby. After the birth, legal processes such as finalizing parental rights or obtaining a birth certificate with the intended parents’ names are completed.
Legal Considerations in Surrogacy
Surrogacy laws vary widely by state and country. In some areas, surrogacy is heavily regulated, while in others, it may not be legally recognized at all. For example, states like California are known for their surrogacy-friendly laws, while others may prohibit certain types of surrogacy or require additional legal steps.
Parental Rights
One of the key concerns for intended parents is securing their parental rights. In most cases of gestational surrogacy, legal documents (such as pre-birth orders) establish the intended parents as the legal parents before the child is born. It’s important to work with an experienced lawyer who specializes in reproductive law to ensure your parental rights are fully protected.
Surrogacy is a significant financial investment, with costs ranging depending on various factors, including agency fees, medical costs, and surrogate compensation. Surrogacy agencies typically provide a breakdown of expected costs, which include:
• Medical expenses: IVF, embryo transfer, prenatal care, and delivery
• Surrogate compensation: Payment for the surrogate’s time, commitment, and medical risks
• Legal fees: Drafting and finalizing surrogacy agreements
• Agency fees: Management of the surrogacy process from start to finish
It’s essential to plan for hidden costs like additional IVF cycles, medical complications, or travel expenses if working with a surrogate from another state.
Emotional Aspects of Surrogacy
Surrogacy is not just a legal or medical process—it’s an emotional journey for everyone involved. Intended parents often feel a mixture of excitement and anxiety, especially if they’ve experienced fertility struggles in the past. Surrogates, too, experience a wide range of emotions, from joy to the occasional sense of loss after the birth.
Support for Intended Parents
Many intended parents worry about the emotional impact of not carrying their own child. This is natural, but most find that the moment they hold their baby for the first time, those concerns melt away. Building a strong relationship with your surrogate and maintaining open communication throughout the pregnancy can ease these emotional challenges.
Support for Surrogates
Surrogates often choose this path out of a deep desire to help others experience the joy of parenthood. However, carrying a child for someone else is a significant emotional commitment. Many surrogates receive counseling and are part of support networks that help them navigate the complex emotions involved in surrogacy.
Success Stories and Testimonials
Over the years, I’ve seen countless families grow through surrogacy. One couple I worked with had endured seven failed IVF attempts before turning to surrogacy. Watching them finally meet their child after years of heartbreak was a reminder of the incredible power of surrogacy to create families where hope had once been lost.
Conclusion
Surrogacy is a life-changing journey for everyone involved, offering a path to parenthood for those who might not have other options. While the process can seem overwhelming, with the right support, legal guidance, and medical care, surrogacy can provide a fulfilling experience that brings families together in ways that might not have been possible otherwise.
If you’re considering surrogacy, take the first step by reaching out to Egg Donor and Surrogacy Institute and exploring your options. Whether you’re an intended parent or thinking about becoming a surrogate, this journey can be transformative—and I hope this guide has provided the clarity and encouragement you need to start.
For more information on surrogacy and how to navigate the process, check out our related blogs:
By staying informed and partnering with the right agency, you’ll be well on your way to a successful and joyful surrogacy journey.
We work to build families all over the world. Whether you are located in the United States or abroad, we ensure that your experience is legal, safe, and filled with love.
