Building a family, even when surrogacy isn’t part of the equation, almost always comes with societal and family pressures. For many, it begins with the seemingly innocuous questions from well-intentioned people, like “When are you getting married?” and eventually, “When are you having children?” Depending on the personal journey that brought you to surrogacy, as well as what you’ve shared along the way, the latter can be an especially challenging question to answer.
To start, there is no rule that says you must tell anyone that you’ve decided to grow your family with the help of a surrogate. You, and your partner, if applicable, should decide together which people in your lives you’d like to share the information with, and can determine whether you want it to be public knowledge or not. You may choose to let only those you believe will be supportive of your decision know or limit it to immediate family and/ or employers. If you’re comfortable with everyone knowing, feel free to share the news with anyone you please; there is no “right” approach that suits everyone.
If, for some reason, you can’t avoid sharing your news with someone who may be less than ecstatic, feel free to skimp on details. If the question of why you chose surrogacy is too painful to answer in full, for example, you can simply say, “It was the best choice for me.” Don’t entertain any pressing questions; eventually the lack of information will slow down nosy friends or family. You can even get your supportive circle of peers on board with this and have them refrain from speaking about your surrogacy in further detail. You are only required to share what you feel comfortable with.
Much of your stress can be relieved by choosing to wait to share until a certain part of your journey or during a specific pregnancy milestone. In the same way that many women who conceive naturally don’t share their pregnancy news until after the first trimester, you can adopt this strategy even with your surrogacy. For your peace of mind, it can help to not share the news until your surrogate mother is at a similar point in her own pregnancy. This way, you are already far enough along in the process to swiftly deflect any naysayers. The choice is yours, and your loved ones may then realize that you are confident in this process for a good reason.
One last way to make the sharing process easy and enjoyable for you is to genuinely celebrate the news. Even if there are just a few people in your corner, take full advantage to celebrate surrogacy, your surrogate mother, and your amazing choice to build a family with children of your own. The more you celebrate, the more secure you will feel in the process.
Choose Surrogacy With EDSI
If you’ve decided surrogacy is the right way to build your family, trust in Egg Donor & Surrogacy Institute (EDSI) as your surrogacy agency. Professionals and resident experts at EDSI can help you with every step required to find the perfect surrogate for you and facilitate both a successful pregnancy and childbirth. There are even resources available for helping you introduce this new chapter into your current life. If you are ready to take the next step, contact EDSI at (866) 344-3662.