When you decide to become a surrogate, one of the most common questions that you will hear is this one: “How are you going to explain this to your children?” These people don’t mean to be rude; they are merely worried about something that you do need to think about before you enter into this process. It doesn’t have to be a big deal to your children, but it does matter how you approach the subject.
Getting ready to tell your children that you are going to be a surrogate mother for intended parents? Here are some tips:
Model The Behavior You Want to See
Your kids will see how they should react based on how you act. If you do not make a big deal out of it, they won’t either. You do want to tell them that it is a healthy, natural, and positive thing for you to do. While you should be excited and eager to talk about it, you do not want to go overboard.
Talk To Them In Age Appropriate Terms
Depending on the age of your children, there will be very different levels of understanding. Keep the language and terms that you use to explain surrogacy and your role in it simplistic and easy to understand, only using words that you know that your children will understand. Older children might enjoy hearing about the science part of it, but younger children need the basics.
One thing to note is that your children might start asking questions about reproduction. They will want to know where babies come from, how it works, and why you aren’t keeping the baby. There will be a ton of questions coming your way, so be prepared.
Introduce The Intended Parents
This is one of the most important steps you can take. Even if you do not live near the intended parents, you still want your children to know about them. Sometimes, intended parents might not feel comfortable with this type of involvement, so you can use photos or drawings to illustrate who those people are. Skype, FaceTiming, or Zoom meetings can also serve to introduce the different parties.
Make sure to talk to the intended parents about this, as it isn’t quite standard procedure. However, if you plan on still being a part of each other’s lives once you deliver the baby, this could jumpstart a relationship.
Use Multimedia to Explain
If your child is having a hard time understanding after you explain surrogacy, use books or videos to help them understand better what is going on – it is a great way to start a discussion as well. Make sure to watch the videos or read the book before showing your children.
Teach Them How To Discuss Surrogacy
People will talk to your children about surrogacy all the time, so you need to prepare them for those discussions. Friends, strangers, teachers, and family members will all ask about it, so give your children the vocabulary and resources to have an age-appropriate discussion.
As a surrogate, you don’t want to ignore what is going on in your life. You need to include your children in the surrogacy as much as possible. Have them write a letter or draw a picture for the baby. Have them help you to put your shoes on or prepare healthy meals for you.
Know That You Will Have Multiple Conversations
Once you explain surrogacy to your children, you will have to answer questions as the pop up, which can be at any time of the day or night. You might need to have other conversations at the same time – talks about medical problems, LGBT relationships, science, reproduction, body changes, and so much more. You might even have to explain something to them multiple times.
It is easy to just act like surrogacy isn’t happening, but eventually, your children will start to ask questions about it. They are perceptive and know that something is happening. You want to talk to them as early as possible so that they don’t get false expectations about what the pregnancy means.
If you have questions, you should be able to go to the surrogacy agency that is working with you to get resources and address any of your concerns. If you are ready to get started with a California surrogacy agency that will make you feel comfortable throughout the entire process, contact EDSI today.